void of colour

Comparing my parents life to mine is so sad. When they were my age, they were going on camping trips, creating great memories and falling in love. But then there’s me. Never done one exciting thing in my life, hardly leave my room and falling into a lonely spiral. How fun.

pathetic.

The voice in my head is always telling me that I am not worth friends, a family, a real relationship or a life. Always convincing me that no one really likes me and that I should just give up on everyone before they will inevitably give up on me – preventing myself from getting hurt again. 

I am constantly concerned that I am a burden and annoying to everyone. That I talk about shit and that my problems aren’t even problems - people are worse off than me. I feel like I don’t deserve anything I have. I also feel bad for the people close to me because I hardly ask them about themselves because I find it so hard to ask things, that sounds so pathetic. 

That’s what I am, a pathetic waste of space. 

The voice in my head convinces me I’m this everyday and it’s so hard to turn off. Maybe I just need to accept these thoughts, that voice, acknowledge the truth and stop being so self absorbed.

It’s not until you’re away from home when you realise just how perfect home is.